Things to look forward to

Paris Roubaix, basically...

Mathieu van der Poel most determinedly not smiling when he is called forward to the front row of the line-up in Compiègne.

People like me (commentators) getting way too overexcited and overblown about the first cobbled sector. Nothing of note happens. But then the behaviour is locked in and there’s no backing down. Repeat for every sector.

Someone truly unexpected ends up in the front group with all the hitters. Perhaps David Gaudu or Chris Froome. Then all of a sudden they are glimpsed flying through the air as if dismounting a pummel horse in the ‘Lympics.

Lizzie Deignan will get a hat tip, and hopefully people will be reminded that she won every monument available to women’s racing at the time.

Danish film director Jørgen Leth’s film A Sunday In Hell will also get repeated reverential mentions.

Up and down the land, cycling fans will go quiet, not so much in respect, as in the fear that if they say anything or pass comment it will reveal that they haven’t actually watched it.

Rain will be fetishised. Sonny Colbrelli’s mud-spattered win in 2021 will be remembered in the same way that Nigel Farage claims to remember VE Day.